For your amusement...

I've just received our Gas Safety Record. They've been here since 9am; it's now after 2pm.

1. Exterior [illegible word] not sealed.
2. Blowoff not connected properly.
3. Cooker [something] defective.
4. Gas pipe not sleeved through wall in kitchen.

This may explain the "There's always a first" and, "G'day mate" and, "Scheiße".

And the many, many Yowch-es.

But all is now well:

1. Exterior [illegible] sealed with cement.
2. Blowoff done to [something].
3. Cooker [something] replaced for new.
4. Gas pipe removed, sleeved and re-done.

And I was finally able to get some food and, of course, tea.